Monday, April 9, 2007

All breads are not created Così (the same)

*DING*

And the pressing duel between the oven-baked delights of the chain
restaurant conglomerates begins!

In one corner we have the tried-and-true baguette from Au Bon Pain(which, as the name suggests, should at least be "good"). In the othercorner is the multigrain flatbread by sandwich extraordinaire Cosi (Italians pronounce it /koh-ZEE/).

Strangely, the bread from Au Bon Pain sets up an unexpected cognatebetween "Pain" in the company name (French) and "pain" (American Englishfor "ouch" or "watching Keanu Reeves act") in the process of consumingthis seemingly innocent baguette. "Faux amis", indeed.

The manner in which one must eat a baguette from ABP is analogous toripping the uncooked chicken meat off of a thigh bone that's been leftin the freezer. You clamp down with all your might, squeezing andwiggling your dainty baguette until the seemingly welded pieces of flourfinally cave and send your head in a backward thrust that resembles thetrauma of whiplash victims (there is rumor that the CEO of ABP sits on the board of the American Chiropractor Association).

Così offers a non-violent approach to bread-consumption: soft, chewy,and wholesome goodness that massages your taste buds with every bite.

Perhaps the breads are symbolic of their native peoples: the Italianflatbread (pleasant, palatable, and memorable), and the French baguette (stale, rough, and painful).

Incidentally, while in France in 2005 I met a random guy who took me ona romantic stroll of the city. Towards the end of our Tour de Nowheresville (and after some kissing of the French sort), we came across a discarded baguette in the street. Frenchy-boy stomped feverishly on it and yelled "This.... this is the.... the SHIT of France!!!"

Merde!!! Even the French don't like their bread.

1 comment:

Jen said...

You fail to mention that Cosi is also the place when I got all my credit cards stolen and where you have to wait 25 minutes for a cold sandwich. It may be good, but DAMN they make you work for it!