The Perfect Man

"You've got the charm
you simply disarm me
every time ..."
-Effie

The perfect man, amongst other nonsensical oxymorons like "Microsoft works" and "good morning", is an ideal generated in the human psyche from a lifetime of watching romantic comedies and Disney classics. Ariel falls in love with Prince Eric just by fanatically watching him dance with a dog, Leonardo yearns for a suicidal forward-thinking aristocrat and steams up a fancy car (and I bet the owner didn't appreciate those stains ... no worry, I'm sure they washed out), and Princess Leia kisses her brother --err, um ... oh dear, ok let's just skip that one.

And we fall for it every time ... We know it's foolish, impossible, and void of modern day realities like prenuptials and emotionally-unavailable partners. But subliminally imprinted in the subconscious is that wish for the easy, extreme, and impregnable companionship that defies all logic and reasoning.

So here it is; my attempt to juggle the ingrained lavish longings of the Freudian id with the principles of realistic living -- the definition of the perfect man for an imperfect world.

-thoughtfulness: it's different for everyone ... for some people it's a gift, a text message, a phone call, or an extra minute's embrace. So the perfect man is able to identify his own way of thoughtfulness, deliver, and then recognize it in others ... abundantly.

-listening: hearing what you say, seeing what you do, and sensing what you feel.

-humor: letting your hair down, if you have any, and being ok with embarrassment. The ability to laugh at chickens, merely because they walk funny and make unusual sounds. Farting and then blaming it on the old lady sitting next to you on the Metro with puzzled and accusatory glances in her direction.

-persistence: not giving up when challenged with hardship in the relationship. Fighting the urge to detach emotionally, and staying the course.

-time: to exist in a place where time is generous. Content with a movie on a Friday night and a bedtime of 10:00 if that means an extra hour of cuddling in the morning. To spend an entire day without accomplishing much, yet doing-- or being more than you anticipated.

-insight: to see in yourself and in others that special something that usually goes unnoticed.


It's funny ... after re-reading this list, I was surprised to discover that I'm actually describing the qualities of my own self that I'd like to improve upon.

Perhaps the quest for the perfect man is really the search for the perfect man inside of me.

So I guess, in short, what identifies the perfect man in my mind is simply his struggle to do better-- by himself, and for others.

I suppose it's not as oxymoronic as I thought ...