Collarless priest

Nothing beats Scrabble with a priest, I always say. You have to omit words like "breasts", "bitch", and "penis" (yeah you just try to challenge those words) but all in all it was a fun night of modest language, unlimited amounts of alcohol (who needs Jesus and his fancy tricks?), and nudist colony stories.

*car tires screeching to a halt* -- WTF?!?

Yes, my priestly classmate told us all about his conquests around the globe (geographical conquests – let's keep this clean), including a surprise stop at a nudist colony somewhere far from Alabama (thank goodness, my eyes can't process that much flesh).

I, for one, would be a bit stupefied to find a man of the cloth (hehe) at a nudist colony. Just imagine, hanging out (hehe) with all of your nudist friends and reminiscing over those fond memories: that summer meeting at Larry's with the leather couch, the aerobics class where Betty suffered a severe back injury, the game of Limbo over at Tom's (use your imagination people), and particularly that one crazy party where Jello body shots brought on a different type of shot altogether from Stuart (oh no he didn't!) – and then a priest walks in the door …

First of all, seeing a priest naked is probably not the most arousing sight imaginable. Secondly, all of the eye candy in the world won't make that lollipop sweet (it's a bit like walking around with your appendix revealed – who cares?! And it's useless!!!). Third, in the unlikely event that the priest is attractive, I don't believe that a Hail Mary (keep that imagination churning) is entirely appropriate considering the circumstances.

I applaud my friend's incredible bravery to enter the colony; in fact, I believe a standing ovation is warranted.