Grubb's Pharmacy

The pharmacy is a nasty, cold, and bitter place to do business. It is where humiliation meets frustration, embarrassment and expense collide, and you constantly wonder to yourself "What the hell has brought all these people here?!"

Grubb's Care Pharmacy on East Capitol and 4th is not your typical pharmacy. It's crammed into an old-style white-walled building that has the faded air of some once impressive pharmaceutical giant.

It feels like a community center. Everyone bursts through the door and is greeted with instantaneous shouts of recognition (I swear I heard someone yell "Norm!") – well, except for me, that is (and I don't aspire to become a regular).

Everyone is warm and friendly, bustling about with their precious parcels of pills, having a laugh over Metamucil, snickering about that time when Barbara got the hemorrhoids or when Danny's rash prevented him from having his daily bike ride.

Even the staff violates the pharmacists' "must be an asshole to work here" code; they seem thrilled to be giving away drugs. It feels like an expensive candy store (please leave the distasteful suppository jokes at the door). The only exception to this was the woman behind the counter who was sporting a mask and abruptly spraying patients in the face with Lysol when they approached.

And now for today's medical trivia: Does anyone know how much a "walker" costs?

You see, Grubb's is not only entertaining, it is also informative. Today I learned that walkers come in all shapes and sizes, and with prices to match. It all depends on the style you would like to accompany your afternoon saunter.

There is the standard "just get me to the bingo hall" walker, which will cost you about $140. If you upgrade to the sleek dark-gray Turbo Roller (estimated time crossing the street: 3 minutes), you can expect to pay about $175. For the elderly on the run (*ahem*) and in need of convenience, there is a Super Turbo Roller that comes with a basket to carry all of your personal belongings ("Look, Ethel, I can even put my oxygen tank in it!"). That puppy will cost you the big bucks - $200.

Come people, it's 2006!!! Why not just get a segway?!