2007 ... and DreamGirls (huh?)

Last January I was fully inducted into gaydom (or queendom?) with what would immediately become a personal obsession that rivaled previous affairs with great Broadway productions like Evita, Annie, or even the tireless Wicked. Three smooth, strong, black voices in chorus together, bright lights and shimmering costumes that hung closely to swiveling hips as performers extravagantly peacocked their way around the stage -- heaven on the silver screen, my dream Girls, indeed.

And even though iTunes hasn't invented a digit high enough to count the number of times this soundtrack has poured itself soothingly into my life, the obsession brings itself full circle to another January- another year. Personally, this music brings with it a surprising amount of emotion interlaced in the fabric of eloquently crafted and performed songs that represent the very essence of what it is to be human- or, at least, what it is or felt like to be me in 2007.

Some excerpts, in no particular order:

"move right out of my life": a boy, a department, an ex-bestfriend, and a landlord (sounds like the Real World, although I would have to re-name it the Real Shit World)

"putting all my trust in you, cuz you ... you'll always be true": for a very special guy, although my heart just wasn't in it :-(

"you've got the charm, you simply disarm me every time": a silly 3-month ordeal of buckling knees and cowardice, which eventually gave way to friendship and quite a bit of confusion

"What about what I need? What about what's best for me? What about how I feel?": my pleas to a department intent to cast aside any request that proved to be in my interest- FYI ... if you leave a person out in the cold, they do get frostbitten...

"Heavy heavy, you got so heavy baby ...": OK OKAY, yes, an extra pound or two wiggled its way on to my sensitive muffin-top waist. Fortunately the metal zipper that securely binds my jeans together is stronger than my resistance to cookie temptation ...

"I don't wanna be free ...": You know that feeling of quasi-relief when you break up with someone you weren't really into, and you suddenly find more of yourself in your free time and friendships? Yeah, the opposite of that.

"Stop all the rivers, push- strike- and kill ...": That feeling when you've been burned unfairly, or judged unscrupulously, and nothing you can say or do can make it right. Even though those persons were there to teach, instruct, and guide.

"Patience - it's gonna take some time": Finding hope and inspiration in unlikely places/persons, and trusting in the ultimate power of the human spirit that refused to wither.

"All those years of darkness could make a person blind ... but now I can see": Like a benefactor of Jesus' miracles (he was a skilled optometrist ... "Read that eye chart over there, mortal human" ... "W ..... W ..... J ...... D ....."), I remember feeling a huge change coming on about September as I began to prove my potential not only to my department, but to myself.

"finding myself, and getting a hold of the anger in me": Well ... learning it was there in the first place, and then trying to get a hold of it -- like unbridled horses who have had too much Starbucks.

"the only trouble is you really don't have the time": Ahh, yes ... if there was one thing in this universe I would like to give to others and myself, it is more time. But I assume we'd waste it on shoe shopping, reality TV, and fretting about tomorrow- instead of what's right in front of us (carpe diem, in a breathy voice).

"I'm not at home in my own home": Well, honestly, who would feel at home when their roommate said "If you died, I'd be relieved" ... and you lock your door and blockade it with a chair every night (insert Psycho music now). And then if at another residence you were badgered by a non-tenant "tenant" who lied about you to your landlord, resulting in the loss of $500. Sigh :-)

"Listen to the song here in my heart": A simple but honest tune put out there that remains unheard-- perhaps I should pluck my heart-strings harder? And as the echo comes back to me without a harmony or "fine", I have to wonder- why do I find myself playing for the wrong audience? *no applause, please*

And, quite like Effie singing "And I am telling you, I'm not going", yes--- obviously I, too, can be a melodramatic diva.