Sex in church

This week a particular headline turned heads (and heads) and almost slayed a few in the aisles with the story: "Minister urges congregation to have more sex".

Now, certainly the minister is leaving himself wiiiiiiide open (to altar boys?) to criticism and speculation about the appropriateness of the church barging down the bedroom door and discussing sexual issues with the general public (after all, sex is taboo- quite like molestation scandals and pastoral "conversion" therapy ... oh wait, both of those have to do with sex!).

The minister's rationale for his unexpected ejaculation from the pulpit is that divorce is on the rise, quite like his male congregants, and that the easiest solution to put out the flames of sin is to ignite the flames of marital passion (oxymoron? - oh, and who's hose is in charge of putting out? *ahem* I mean- putting out the fire?) for 30 days straight (emphasis on the word straight).

Certainly the Mormon males are starting to cringe ("Dammit, women, I need at least 20 minutes to recharge!"), and females across the country are considering the very same question- Doesn't that damn minister know about a lady's cycle? (perhaps he doesn't spend all THAT much time in bed with his wife, what a shocker)

Well naturally the minister's challenge to the congregation cums at a time when the church is battling to stay in the mainstream (yes, Hebrew fish, swim towards the egg silly!) and keep up with the competitive worldly pleasures that are all too familiar to us (like condoms, porn, and pre-commitment-ceremony sex).

Honestly, though- aren't we confusing the children that are being raised in the faith? Masturbation is bad, sex is good, but oh wait you have to be married, oh oh wait and you also have to be a man and woman, oh oh and ... Lord! I'm 27 and already with these rules I don't know my ass from my elbow (but I'm sure one of them has to do with sex, just ask the minister).

And why is it THIS particular headline making the news? What about the sermons and messages of all the other faiths around the country that are reminding us of peace, love, and friendliness to all mankind? (perhaps the sermon topics should be changed to "peace of ass", "making love", and "friendliness with benefits" -- CNN would be all over that like a prison gang on dropped soap)

So what's next? In depth discussion about the missionary position? Substituting hard liquor in those grape juice shot glasses on communion Sunday? Wet T-shirt competitions in the baptism pool?

Phew ... lucky I gave up abstinence for lent !!!