Metro bitch

There's something highly thrilling about that mad dash from the escalator to the Metro just as the carriage doors are closing. It's a race against the machine, against all of humanity; the one moment of the day where you are challenged by your own physical prowess alone. The flurry of office papers, the line at Starbucks, and all the suits in the world cannot stop you from scurrying like a squirrel, barreling towards the Metro car and colliding with everything in between (move it granny! and take your 3-legged dog with you!!!).

In an attempt to calm the general public from their mad dash to personal satisfaction, a new female "voice" as been installed to warn passengers of the about-to-close doors.

"Stand back!!! Doors closing ..."

She sounds like the bride of Hitler. I half expect a metal nightstick to appear out of nowhere and clobber the next suit that attempts to vault his/her way through the doors. She's so severe!!!

Then what follows our Metro-Nazi's warning is a tinkering chime noise that sounds like our beaten-suit's unconscious face was just slammed onto the keys of a poorly-tuned xylophone.

I nervously ask the person next to me, "Sir, this train is going to Shady Grove, right???" ...