Things that vex and disturb ...

Pet peeves, annoyances, freaky shit- whatever label you assign them, here is a small list of odd or bothersome things that continue to haunt me:

-That hair on the wall of the shower (how did it get there, and how did it climb so friggin' high? Mr. Hair: "Must ... keep ... climbing ..." - and what the hell am I supposed to do with it now?)

-That slightly disturbing feeling you have when you are sipping from a water fountain and the flow of water changes precisely at the same time you hear a toilet flush in a public bathroom

-The wind of Washington D.C. -- seriously, I have begun to curse the wind out loud, much to the surprise of passers-by on the street (quite like a Celine Dion song, the wind is pervasive, transparent, intangible, ubiquitous, and just friggin' annoying as hell)

-Supersize Fries and a Diet Coke- if you're gonna do it, just go all out! That's like strapping on a prophylactic and then immediately falling asleep - What's the point? (whatever it is, it isn't in the direction of north)

-Scalding coffee: Would you serve a person a hamburger that is still on fire? Or a glass of milk that's completely frozen over? Temperature counts! Should coffee have to come with a warning label? (well, the Celine Dion songs should)

-English gone bad: For example, "I know it's a lot of information, so if you don't understand anything just cut me." (rather than "cut me off")

-Gendered pronouns: I know it's not "proper English", but can we start saying "they" and "them" when we're referring to a person of unknown gender? Stop switching between he and she, it messes me up!!! (note this does not apply to the shows at De Lounge)

-People who pretend they didn't just trip and about bust their head open on the cement-- take pride in your fall! (it has goeth-ed, anyway) It's funny! And don't turn around and stare in perplexed amazement at some invisible thing on the pavement, some apparent monstrosity of an obstacle, that was able to bother your balance for a step or two (cuz it isn't there, you're just a klutz!)

-Dogs wearing argyle sweaters: It's embarrassing enough for a dog to be wearing a sweater when it has a full coat of fur to protect itself from the cold ... but when a big butchy dog is wearing a cutsie diamond-patterned argyle one-sy, well ... dignity is gone with the DC wind.

-Violently offensive farting: Seriously, sometimes I need to lay off the vegetables because the fumes that occasionally funk out of my body are enough to initiate a chemical spill evacuation in any government facility (Comments that have been made about my farts when they are anonymous: "Damn ... what the hell is that stench?" -- "Ew ... something smells like diapers!" -- "Lord someone needs to empty the garbage around here!")